Swing Back

a lot changed in this past year.

i lost a lot but im still here.

on 2 feet i stand half  broken

most of the pain remain unspoken.

my kids are my only form of sanity.

everything takes away the man i can be.

death and loss swing with hands of stone.

i would never have made it all alone. 

crushing my brain with every blow.

i try to replay the lessons i know.

chin tucked, elbows bent, hands up high.

the  most painful is the question of "why?"

the answer might be never revealed.

everyday is starting to lose its warm appeal. 

Frozen

Frozen in time,but defrosting the mind.

Feeling around half blind in this life of mine.

A thousand footsteps from my dearly departed.

Yet miles from where the pain started.

I learned so much and grew so strong,

Helping so many when their thoughts were wrong,

opening eyes through rhyming these lines,

staying intwined in Evil and the devine.

Nightmares are frequent, sleep never comes easy.

Just out of reach the demons poke and tease me.

I try to be noble and hold out a hand.

Yet my head remains solid; respect I demand.

I want to leave a legacy for my children to honor.

I just worry about the path my mind often wanders.

~ceL

Apex Creativity

i sleep a little,yet worry a lot.

still stuck inside of what i'm not.

i look ahead,getting pulled behind.

dreams still exist in this twisted mind.

i create to escape, art always calls me.

then display it to release for all to see.

words, paint strokes, pixels, blues and reds.

anger and pain begin to leak from my head.

pages fill, canvas is covered, thoughts in flight.

like it or hate it i know i served my soul right.

brutal yet fruitful, i plant seeds within my lines.

this world can be ugly, but i could never be blind.

make sense of nonsense, make order out of chaos.

fair is not a fact and karma never takes days off. 

be offended less, take the jewel out of the thorns.

a man can say nothing to leave my heart torn.

learn from adversity, run to the things u fear.

dont crumble and let this world see your tears.

i would rather be a  tiger that lives for a day.

than a Sika deer who lives and runs forever.

~ceL

The Twisted Solution

So im at the point that i lost alot in my life. My job, my ability to drive, my confidence, the ability to hold a conversation with the mother that gave birth to me, my house, my ability to continue with my neurology care. The funny thing is, in still not broken. This makes me want to succeed even more. I was born under struggle. More than likely i will die swinging too. Im so thankful for the people that have reached out to me. Tina for being there when 9 out of 10 women would have left. Stephanie and Bill for taking me in as their own as we get back on our feet. The kind words from old friends as well as new ones. Most importantly, the 3 people that call me daddy. Im getting there and and im never going to be in this position again.
Twisted Attic Go Fund Me (click here)
Please help support our mission to get our art supplies so we can start our business again. If u cant donate, please share. Thanks! CeL