pain

I can explain the pain.

The pain that drives this pen to write.

The pain that slaves the brain at night.

The pain from those slain in our heart.

The pain that push two souls apart.

The pain that drains our energy.

The pain one day that will end me.

The pain that love brings to all of us.

The pain my brain wishes not to discuss.

The pain of things that remain unchanged.

The pain that leaves thoughts rearranged.

The pain is sometimes all we know.

The pain is essential to learn and grow.

The Pain is real. The pain wont leave.

The pain can strain the hope to believe.

The pain is consuming, swallowing you whole.

The pain cuts deep, the pain remains cold.

The pain strikes fast and plans to stay.

The pain is a debt you can never repay.

The pain that paints to cover the flames.

The pain is why most know my name.

The pain is forever, the pain is within.

The pain is my life. The pain is my friend.

DAMNage

DAMNage

i found myself in an odd mood today. maybe it was stress...maybe its just my insecurities. either way....i started reading thru some of my older poetry because i often find inspiration in the words the "old me" said.
back then i was in a terrible state of existence.

after reading these next couple of poems....i come 2 realize that there was something else guiding my hand as i scribbled these poems on the paper. internally...i knew that one day these words would mean something in someones life. back then, i wanted 2 leave a guide 2 how i ended up being the way i was 2 my kids. little did i know that I would b the one that needed 2 sort it all out!
i have 2 beautiful daughters and a wonderful woman that loves me 4 who i am.
ive come a long way in life (not financially..but my inner wealth).


i named this blog DAMNage....because i was so damaged on the way 2 getting 2 this damnAGE! i hope at least one line in one of these poems will at least get your wheels turning! that would mean i didnt waste 15 years of my life scribbling hundreds of poems and observations on paper!

 

Stamina
a path without obstacles is a path not worthy of travel.
a smooth incline is not as self fulfilling as a barefoot walk on gravels.
just as a day without pain is a day survived in vain.
the man that has it all can still find the need 2 complain.
a night without fear is like a flower without a scent.
just as the spirit can never discover the meaning of "content".
love is a dove that enjoys its freedom more than confinement.
and sex is a cliff note, but the blind thinks it defines it.
a price is placed on life and people wonder y it is cold.
and question me as 2 y i don't put a dollar sign on my soul.
my words r here today but more clever ones will replace them.
so most r kept inside of me, i don't have no time 2 waste them.
the only legacy that i foresee is the sparkle in my baby's eyes.
but still i question will my lessons reach her in my demise.
if only my questions where strength; the world would spin 4 me.
if's and could's and but's; the thinking mans disease.


Foundation
mental blocked or half cocked.
2 things i am not.
all or nothing. think i am bluffing?
from birth until i rot.

i walk away from what others die 4.
so much on my plate.
brain...overdrive. pain....override
the recipe for my fate.

weakness..except it. irony...expect it.
i consume it all.
setbacks...2 many. heartbreaks..2 plenty
2 hardheaded 2 fall.

think no one is above u 4 people 2 love u.
2 hard 2 swallow.
whether fashion, instructions, or compassion,
I'm not one 2 follow.

vultures await death. i laugh with every breath.
the good die young.
my life is these words giving birth 2 me each line.
immortal.. just begun.

u should be u because in the end that's all u r.
u can't lie 2 yourself.
i can see the canvas thru the portrait u paint.
my untainted inner wealth


Perfection
dying slowly inside on the road 2 perfection
knowing i will never reach the expectation of my reflection.
out of place, no more space, that is just not enough.
so much 2 prove, i like things smooth; while life is always rough.
it is hard 2 live in peace when your soul is constantly at war.
sometimes the details of life blur the reason u are there 4.
not on time, the words do not rhyme, that don't go together.
you are offbeat, this is far from neat. shorts in winter weather.
completion will be mine, but i will not live long enough 2 see it.
allow my pen 2 touch your heart then my words will be it..
Perfection


Braincell
 i can cure u or i can kill u; play with the cards that i deal u
 i can love u or hate u until the moment i waste u
I'm the meaning of evil and everything that is right
I'm the sun in the morning and the darkness of night
knowing no bounds; floating free as a breeze
entrapped in a maze; I'm as deep as the seas
I'm the producer of pain; the shine of gold in your eyes
 the only truth u know; I'm the creator of lies
 I'm the air in your chest; I'm your dreams as u rest
I'm the ultimate test , I'm the unexpected guest
 I'm the control center of your inner; i make u a winner
 and if it's my will i can make u a sinner
 i can make u stronger or simply rip u apart
don't forget that I'm the one pumping blood 2 your heart
           I'm your memories; your most hated enemy, an entity
Mr. infinity; be a foe or a friend of me
 I'm the one sending  those chills down your spine
 every action and reaction that's divine is mine
 precision decisions  are my task at hand
 telling your eyes 2 open up and your legs 2 take a stand
 I'm your conscious through the nonsense; your text 4 the complexed
 I'm the need above greed; the answer 4 what is  next
 intrigue is what i use 2 trap my innocent  prey
   silent but deadly is the persona i portray
 contentment and misfortunes is what i can bring u
resentment  and torture is just something 2 do
 i complete u; i can beat u; i can physically delete u
if u're full of knowledge i will mentally eat u
 I'm the thin line between sanity and insane
 I'm your emotions, your devotions, your pain; call me brain


If my....
if this pen was a gun; would your perception of me change?
if my creativity was used 4 destruction; would u call me deranged?
if i drew blood instead of sketches; would i have your attention?
if my only crime is my thoughts; is there need 4 prevention?
if my words were bullets; would they b taken 2 heart?
if my poems were knives ; would they tear u apart?
if my songs were drugs; would they rush through your veins?
if my soul was a right hook; would u feel my pain?
if my brush strokes were banknotes; would u die 4 them 2?

 

ive been many places in life, good and bad. the funny thing is, sometimes its hard 2 tell them apart. no matter where i end up in life, i do know 5 very important lessons that i wish i knew when i was younger. i hope u find at least one of these helpful.

1. "its not what u know....but who u know"
no matter how much school u have or skills u have obtained....u still better make some good friends where u want 2 b one day! i have been in my trade 13 years. i have learned so much in electricity, yet i always refused 2 play the politics game at the companies i have worked. BIG MISTAKE! u can go 2 your job everyday on time, do your job exceptionally well, and never get the recognition u deserve unless u "network" with people that are close 2 the owner of your company. i never played this game because im not good at being a "company man". i know the "company" will fire my ass at the flip of a coin, so i just do my best. if u dont believe me...just look around u at work. look at who is paid the most and who has the best positions. its not hard 2 tell! this whole world revolves around politics. play it or get played! ive learned the hard way!


2. "your mouth and your ears never operate at the same time" ~ceL
when u first meet someone....let them do all of the talking. pay attention 2 the small details that u notice by being a listener. chances are....if u practice enough listening while u are around people, u will already know a few things about someone before u even meet them. when u listen rather than talk....u are at the advantage. people cant run all over u because they know very little about u. in the dating scene....this is EXTREMELY important. when u listen more than u talk, (1) the other person will see that u are paying attention 2 them, (2) they will see u as a mystery which keeps them coming back 4 more. i used 2 go 2 bars and order a coke and just walk around with my friends listening 2 other conversations. as the night passed by, i would b surprised what i found out when people thought i was  drunk. if u would rather b the loud mouth....someone like me is doing this 2 u! listen close...learn more.


3. "the best way 2 get rid of someone is 2 let them borrow money"
if u want a "friend" 2 leave u alone 4 a while...let them borrow money. sometimes $20 is worth the lesson u learn about the people around u. i have let people i dont even like borrow money before just so they would avoid me. it also tells u a lot about a persons character.


4. "its not how much u make...its how much u spend"
this is the reason so many lotto winners are broke a year after they win. i know this lesson, but its a hard one 4 me 2 accomplish. money doesnt mean a lot 2 me because ill make more money tomorrow unless im dead. if im dead....then i wont need money. it might sound stupid....but i have always felt this way. i wish now i would have saved the money i spent on trivial things in my life. now im 31 and i have no type of savings 4 my future. thats a tough pill 2 swollow, so dont wait as long as i have. u arent cheating your self by saving....u are just rewarding yourself tomorrow when u get older. u dont want 2 b working when u are 60!


5. "find out what u are good and do it every chance u get"
no matter what it is that u like 2 do...u should wrap it around your life. art and writing are my favorite things 2 do. i do both as often as i can because it gives me confidence. everyone is good at something. u just have 2 find out what it is. this gives u a healthy, productive activity 2 keep your mind off of the stress in life. we all need 2 shine in one aspect in our lives.



i know a lot of these things are common knowledge. i just know these things keep me sane in the confusing trip we call life. i just felt like sharing some of what ive learned over the past 38 years. feel free 2 add your advice below.

Check out more at:

twistedatticcreations.com 

Definition of Success

I'm sure this sounds corny to most, but I received my purple star on my Ebay (500 perfect feedback ratings). It was pretty hard to maintain because that numer depends on my customers. I looked through my list and 75% of the items sold was my art. Since i was a kid, i was the "weird kid doodling" and marching to my own drummer. "Art is cool, but it doesn't pay" said most everyone. Guess what? My art is hanging in 47 states and 6 countries. This past month,our art was the difference between eating or not on some days. Ill never be famous for art or writing but that was never was my goal. I know I've touched people that felt like no one understood them. That's better than any money they can print. I have no ego, but today I feel like my voice and visions were heard. Don't ever give up on what u love.  Money is not the ruler of success.

BrainceL Pro on Ebay

Talk vs. Walk

I was caught flat footed facing the other way.
Just floating through the waves we all ride everyday.
crashing may be the worst way to change direction.
Sometimes its the only way to dissect our own reflection.
Take the time to tune the mind way better than before.
Embrace the first faces u saw knocking at your door.
Mend, grow, reflect, be humbled; we are not machines.
Realize between your eyes lies powers rarely seen.
Adapt and overcome as long as the spirit remains unbroken.
Get up quick, change your path. Strength is rarely SPOKEN.
Excuses are useless just as life is constant change.
Actions must be taken because words wash away in rain.
As long as I am vertical and my heart stays on beat.
I am evolution in the flesh, my mission is not complete.
~ceL
Braincel on Facebook

EYE No (glass etch)

My hand etched gold colored wine bottle I made today. U can bid on it @ T&C Goods on Ebay (click here)

Thorns (painting)

16x20 acrylic on canvas

The road of pain

The problem is the solution.
The solution of your illusions.
Illusions of being on the right
Side of morality and intention.
Judging me while your life was
Never cleared by a jury of your peers.
 Condemning my house because
It is different from your home.
Even though the floor boards
In yours can barely support the
Weight of your over inflated reflection.
Whispering just out of the range of
My superior trained ears that devour
More information than most because
They take priority over my tongue. A
Little trick i picked up from the scholars
Of life that raised me to be the rock in
The path of your second nature of deception.
I reserve my anger for foes deserving of my wrath
So sleep well knowing i deemed u unworthy of that
Much attention. I have risen far enough and sharpened
My mental weaponry so sharp that turning around to
Address your weak attempts at pulling me backwards would
Rob me of one step ahead towards becoming the complete
Man i was destined to be. Face your own demons. Dont try
To distract them by pointing out other people that "did u.wrong". We only receive what we willingly accept from the
People we allow close enough to hurt us. The only one to blame for our position in life is the person we are when all is quiet and we are alone. The truth is we are where we are in life because we didnt do the work to be where we "belong". Nothing is owed...everything is EARNED. Nothing is easy..its hard work being self responsible and honest to yourself. Its just the price we have to pay in order to experience true change and progress. They dont make a pill for that and the only price tag attached to that is your own blood, sweat, tears, and the honest critique of your own shortcomings. No path to being complete is painless. Learn from it. U decide who u are every morning when u are lucky enough to open your eyes.

Focus

I feel really content in life today. Its not because of money or anything material. we all know the shelf life that type of happiness is not very long. i have found comfort in how far i have personally grown since the beginning of this year. it all started at christmas last year. i felt like my life was crashing down around me. i had very little hope of starting over. after new year, it all changed. i was looking through the history of The Good Days. i saw pictures of my kids sitting in highchairs with food all on their face, playing ball in the floor, and holding pictures they drew for me. it hit me like a solid right.hook to the jaw. Its not what we lose in life, its all about what we share with the people we love. we grow from every stab wound to the heart. we learn from every negative comment directed our way during an argument. we gain strength from every goodbye. some people are in our lives to give us the gift of knowledge. its impossible to coexist with people that do not share your core values and dreams. that doesnt make them wrong. that just means the pieces did not fit to complete the puzzle that is life. it was that one moment of reflection that changed my life forever. i want my kids to look at me as a symbol of strength. i want them to push their limits. i want them to stumble. every time they hit the ground head first, i want them to get up quickly and steady their feet. i want them.to run straight to their fears, their insecurities, and their pain just to look it straight in the eyes to say "im still here. u cant defeat me.". words are cheap. actions speak volumes and leading by example is the only way to teach. i owe them for every smile and warm feeling they have given me.
everything is going to be ok. i have a strong, positive home now. every day will not be smooth. life is not designed that way. the difference now is my feet are planted firm. i can take anything that is throw  at me. the only direction i will go is forward. livng, loving, and learning are the only things on my mind. i am a complete soul with a track record that shows i can turn diversity into motivation and set backs into determination. im ready to finish my life strong. just watch.

Gallon Jug (etch)

This is a freestyle etch I completed today. It took around 4 hours.

Halo vs. Horns (etch)

32x12x1/4" glass etched by hand. It took 4 hours to complete.  Its layered (etched on front and back) to give it depth. If u would like to own it, email me at: twistedcel@gmail.com

Eye No (etch)

This was a tough one! Its on 32x12x1/4 glass. Its etched in layers to give a 3d look. It took about 4 hours to complete (and all my diamond tips). Contact me at: twistedcel@gmail.com if u would like to own it.

Pieces (mirror etch)

This one was hard to photograph! It took about 3 hours. The dark colored puzzle pieces was etched on the back of the mirror (so light shines all the way thru).  The white (or frosted) images are on the front of the mirror. It gives it kind of a 3D effect. I'm going to try to find a way to frame it where I can mount some LED lights inside the frame so light shines thru.  Any suggestions?

Motion

Days travel the mountain roads,
going up and going down.
One minute on the peak,
two more near the ground.
It is best to enjoy the view
when cruising on the top.
relive it when u are low
and your spirits start to drop.
The rain is not all bad
it made u appreciate the trees.
Plus the sun is not all good
it may blur what u need to see.
Sit back, enjoy the ride.
So many people were left behind.
They would love another drive
to build a healthy, stronger mind.

Violent Attic bottle (etch)

This is my latest glass etching project. The back has my poem Other Eyes on it. The bottle is clear but I put blue liquid in it to get some clear pictures of the etching.  Just like all of my artwork, it is for sale. Send me an offer if you would like to own it.

Glide vs Fly

Pushing forward, cracked rear view
I hear u clearly and keep driving.
Alive by the will to survive I strive
to surpass those without the gas to
live a life worth living. Forever giving
but not forever forgiving. One chance
to advance past the wall I installed to
stall the thieves clawing with slim tipped
claws trying to withdraw the last drop
of compassion I keep to build upon
once my foundation shows flaws.
I no longer value the empty promises
of those I once held high until I let them
go and they tried to glide; thats not
the same as taking a leap and leaning to fly.
Im still here and its still clear they
dont want me to shine. So I brush off
my glow and rush to buff off whats mine.
those same people walk around half blind.
Trying to spell big words only I can define.
Braincells to paper, paper to voice, voice to
ears, and back again. In the end im still real
and true to who knew me from within.
With a smirk and a grin.

Helloween Jug

This is my newest project. I etched the design freehand with a diamond tipped Dremel. Its a gallon glass milk jug. Took approximately 3 hours.